CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones
that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my
garage door opener.
SCHOOL WISDOM
Little Johnny's father kept bringing office work home almost every night.
He explained to his inquiring son that he had so much work that he
couldn't finish it all during the day. Little Johnny asked, "In that
case, why don't they put you in a slower group?"
SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE DOG
A man was playing chess with his dog in the backyard. A neighbor noticed
and commented, "Wow, I've never seen a dog play chess before. She
must be very smart." "Hah!" scoffed the man. "Not so
smart. I've beaten her four out of five games."
In All Things Give Thanks
I've sure gotten old. I've had 2
By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer,
and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet
engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and
subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation,
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But..... Thank God, I still have
my Florida driver's license!
The Advantages of Age
Reporters interviewing a 104
year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the
reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Bad news/Good news
A beautiful red sports car
plunges off 5th floor of parking garage! When the owner returns to drive
home, the attendant tells him, "I've got bad news and good news. The
bad news is that your car fell to street from the fifth floor." With
pain and disbelief in his voice, the owner begs, "What is the good
news?" Said the attendant,
"It got over 100 miles to the gallon on the way down!"
Proper Caution
“What are you doing?” the
mother asked as she watched her little boy carefully sort through his
package of Animal Crackers.
“I’m looking for the seal,” he replied.
“It says on the box not to eat the cookies if the seal is broken.”
The Cocktail
The National Governors
Association met in Washington D.C. on Friday at the Shoreham Hotel. The
most popular drink at the hotel bar is called "Lilac Crazy"
because that's what politicians do whenever they get together at these
meetings.
